Starting with a bout of pneumonia that I got over three years ago, one that was quite relentless, my body has not been the same. Random, seemingly disconnected symptoms kept creeping up: weakness, fatigue, weird cysts in my eyes, food sensitivity, odd skin coloration, and on and on.
Fast forward past many, many different types of doctors, and the puzzle pieces are finally starting to come together. But it’s by no means fully clear. What I do know is that I have celiac disease. Honestly, of all the things I guessed I could have, celiac disease was not one of them.
In case you don’t know, celiac is a disease in which your autoimmune system gets triggered by gluten and attacks your small intestine (this is different than having a gluten sensitivity). This causes an array of symptoms, some connected with the digestive system, but also what’s often less known, is that many people with celiac disease have more symptoms connected with their nervous system (this was my case). It is also not uncommon for people with celiac disease to have other autoimmune disorders and that’s something I’m still uncovering.
To be honest, at first the thought of not eating gluten didn’t really feel that hard to me. It seemed like everywhere I looked there were gluten-free products and restaurants announcing their gluten-free choices. But before this diagnosis I’d never stopped to read the fine print (and sometimes it’s very fine), where it often says “not recommended for those with celiac”. Ugh. I realized that going gluten free is in some ways a fad, like many other food fads that come and go. Unfortunately, for those of us who really can’t have gluten it makes it very hard to navigate the food world.
And it’s not only gluten that I’m not having. I’m not eating dairy, soy, and grains. Although this was recommended by many experts I respect, what truly gave me the motivation to follow this guidance is my dear body, who had prior to this diagnosis, already let me know that it was not responding well to those foods.
As you can imagine, this can bring up a lot of anxiety around food, not to mention great sadness at all the ways eating in this way isolates me from others. And because eating is something I have to do every day, multiple times a day, well it’s quite hard not to dwell on it.
Throughout all this I’ve been mediating and praying, asking for guidance on what this disease is trying to teach me. Because, yes, although overwhelming, and sometimes quite painful I do believe my Soul has sent me this, not as a punishment, but as a way to move me forward on my spiritual journey.
Certainly, part of the message from my Soul was about slowing down. And I have been, quite literally, slowed down. With this slowing down came the gift of great discernment on how I want to spend my time. I also have gained so much more compassion and understanding for those that are dealing with illness or physical pain. And as many of my clients go through their own body-healing journey I am so much more prepared now to help them .
As I reflected on this being an autoimmune disease, which in essence means that my body is attacking itself I understood that part of my healing was going to be about doing the opposite of attacking myself, in other words, approving of myself and loving myself, especially my body.
As I had this realization I was struck at how frustrated and angry I’ve been at my body, for getting sick, but mostly for being so sensitive. As much as I tell my own clients and students that being sensitive is a gift to the world (and I really do believe this), I still have parts that judge my own sensitivity.
So part of my medicine, truly the most important, is self-love. So simple and so incredibly hard. I actually thought I was doing so much better in the “self-love” category, and to be fair, I was. But now my Soul is taking me to the next level by making my commitment to loving myself so intricately connected to my physical health. Because I really do believe that the secret key to my recovery is self-love.
So I am loving myself as I create the time to finish my book, as I trust my intuition over what doctors might recommend for me, and as I lie down and do self-reiki when there’s a long list of things to do. All those are acts of self-love.
One of my mentors recently explained to me how self-love is actually the radical thing to do. She added that to put ourselves last, to ignore our soul’s calling, to spend our time relentlessly doing, was actually pretty easy, and mainstream. The evolutionary thing is to do the opposite.
This means, dear ones, that the courageous thing to do is to love ourselves, to listen to our inner wisdom, to risk disapproval if we choose to slow down so that we can do less, but create more.
I invite you to be radical, be bold and LOVE YOUR SELF. It isn’t easy, I know, but self-love has the power to transform our lives and our world.
Blessings to you all!
Lisa
Did anything in my story resonate with you? Perhaps you are dealing with an illness or physical pain. If so, I invite you to take some time to mediate and/or pray for guidance on what this is trying to teach you. If you feel resistance to doing this exercise, then perhaps spend time with those parts of you that feel that resistance, and gently ask them what they are worried would happen if you did this type of inner exploration.
Above all be very gentle with yourself and love yourself through whatever is going on in your life.