As the year comes to an end, with all the wonderful holidays and the sacredness they bring, a few nights ago I found myself feeling tired, stuffed, and spacey. I was in my bedroom by myself and I sat on my meditation cushion attempting to connect with my Soul and with Spirit. But as much as I tried I just couldn’t settle, and I felt like I had a a heavy blanket on me.
Finally, I took out my rosary and started praying. The rosary is traditionally a catholic prayer. However, I wasn’t guided to pray it because of any catholic obligation. In fact, when I first was guided to pray the rosary I resisted it for this very reason. Although I was raised catholic I have always been drawn to different spiritual traditions and have resisted a lot of the dogma of organized religion.
But alas, the Divine Mother kept guiding me to pray the rosary so for almost two years now I have been praying it at least once a day. If you’re ever prayed the rosary you know that it can be a beautiful experience AND it can be done in a very rote and automatic way. I used to judge this, almost robotic, aspect of praying the rosary, but I have learned that at times like this when I am really struggling to get centered, the rosary can clear the inner clutter so I can connect once again.
So I held the rosary in my hands and recited the Hail Mary’s in my mind. Feeling the beads of a rosary slip through your fingers, just like feeling the beads of the Buddhist mala beads can be so soothing and grounding. Slowly as I progressed I could feel my energy settling. And when I finished, I felt lighter and finally able to sit on my cushion and meditate.
That meditation became a conversation with Spirit as I asked for guidance on why I was having such a hard time getting centered. Leading up to December I had such a clear understanding that the end of the year is a time when Spirit is sending us extra blessings, and extra healing energy so we can end the year releasing what doesn’t serve us and embracing our beautiful light. And yet here I was in December having the hardest time getting centered enough to even meditate. So I asked Spirit for guidance on this challenge. In answer to my question I started seeing an internal movie of my activities that week.
I saw that all my kids were home. As many of you know my three oldest daughters are in college so having them all home is very special. I feel like a mother goose who has all her little geese back in the nest. It’s also kind of chaotic. My routine gets completely thrown off.
Everyone is on a different vacation schedule so while my daughters are chilling at night, staying up late catching up on tv episodes because they are done with school, my sons (who are still in high school) and husband (who is a teacher) and I (who drives the boys downtown so they can catch the train to school) are still getting up at the crack of dawn. But, of course, I want to spend as much time as I can with the girls so I stay up later than I should to hang out with them a bit more.
As this internal slide show of my week continued I saw a cake. Ugh. I knew where this was going. I saw how much more I overindulge in food when everyone is home for the holidays. Earlier that week I had taken my daughters out to eat at a wonderful restaurant. But the gluten free chocolate cake I had for dessert, although delicious, made me feel like I was moving in slow motion afterwards. I suspected this would happen, but I also didn’t want to feel deprived, yet again (I am gluten free, dairy free, and more). I wanted to celebrate so I ignored my inner guidance and ate the whole dessert. I regretted it almost as soon as I was done.
Sigh. Ok. I told Spirit, I understood. This is a sacred time and I am a very sensitive person. In order to fully receive the blessings of this season I needed to continue to prioritize my self-care. I needed to honor my sleep time, and honor my inner guidance about food. I could feel the angels around me clapping as I committed, once again, to my self-care, not out of selfishness, but out of deep commitment to my spiritual growth, and how that helps everyone in my life.
I placed the palms of my hands over my heart and sent love to all of those parts of me that want to just have fun and not worry about what they’re eating or when to go to bed. I prayed, as author Doreen Virtue teaches, that the angels help remove any cravings for food or activities that do not serve my highest good. I could feel my body tingling in gratitude at my renewed commitment.
And then I walked through the house, and kissed all my children good night and went to bed.
Lisa
Follow-Up:
There are nine days left in 2016. My invitation to you is that you commit to staying awake and present to all of the blessings that this time brings for you. A simple way to do this is to place the palms of your hands on your heart center, breathe deeply into your heart and ask Spirit for guidance. Remember to just focus on the questions and release any pressure about receiving the answers right away. Trust that the answers will come in the right way and at the right time for you. Here are some suggestions on questions you might ask:
What gifts/blessings do you have for me as the year comes to an end?
What do I need to release in order to best receive these gifts?
What do I need to embrace in order to best receive the gifts you have for me?
What do you need from me in these last days of the year?
Anything else?