23
May
Sigh! Mothering five kids who are all at various stages of teenagehood is quite a blessing/challenge. On top of the typical worries that come with parenting I have recognized that ever since my daughter got unexpectedly sick last year, I’ve developed an overwhelming panic when it comes to my kids. My daughter is much better, and continues to get better every day. So a part of me can get very frustrated with myself about my panicky feelings.
For example, my son got into a small accident in gym class last week. He needed stitches and he had to miss several days of school. My normal self would have been concerned but also realized that things were going to be fine. Instead, although logically I knew that things were ok, my body was flooded with utter panic, worry, and what scientists call the “fight or flight” response.
Of course, I know this is a form of post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD). I talk about this with my clients often because it’s one of the things I help them with the most. Many times clients are holding PTSD from things that happened years ago, and they feel great shame for still feeling bad about something that happened so long ago. I have great compassion for my clients and I completely understand how intense PTSD can be. But as often is the case self–compassion and understanding was much harder.
First, I had to just acknowledge that I was traumatized by what happened with my daughter. I was trying so hard to be positive, and focus on how well my daughter was doing now, that parts of me didn’t want to admit to any fears. It was like I was afraid that my fears would attract more disease for her. This is where all of those well-intentioned law of attraction books can backfire. I want to be clear that I do believe in the power of our thoughts and feelings to attract our experiences. But I also know that we have to be authentic, and need to begin with our true feelings, then we can start shifting.
Once I recognized my fears and trauma I used all of the tools that I share with my students and clients. I meditated, prayed, worked with my coach, did self-reiki, and connected with my angels and spirit guides. All of these things have helped tremendously. But still that “fight or flight” feeling lingered. Sometimes even in the middle of my day I’d suddenly feel my heart beat fast, my stomach drop and my legs get weak. To make things worse I was starting to get panicked about having the panicky feelings.
As I prayed about this I heard Spirit tell me to stop resisting the panic. I admit this scared me at first. Resisting the panic is what I had been doing, and the thought of letting the panic in seemed overwhelming. But I trusted this message and as I asked for more clarity I was guided to visualize my heart expanding. This visualization was something I did over the course of several months. I would do this visualization when I was guided and I often prayed to the Divine Mother as I focused on my heart. I would also often put my hands over my heart center and do reiki on that area.
Slowly I stated experimenting with letting these panicky feelings come in. Eventually when the panic would come I would slow down, breath deeply, visualize these feelings coming into my heart and then into Spirit. I am still learning and it takes effort to not go into my automatic resistance mode so I am by no means a master at it. But this beautiful process has brought me great relief and peace.
This morning as I practiced this process I was aware of what a blessing this was turning out to be. Not only was this bringing relief from this panic connected to my daughter but it was teaching me how to work with all sorts of “negative” feelings that can come to me. And most importantly this process is making me aware of the vastness of my loving heart and how deeply my heart is connected to Spirit.
Follow Up:
If this resonates with you I invite you to try it. I suggest you begin with emotions that aren’t too intense. Notice what happens. Was it difficult? Did it feel right? Where you guided to spend time visualizing expanding your heart? Most importantly ask for inner guidance. Your Soul loves you unconditionally and knows what works best for you. Remember this inner guidance might not come as words. It might be a feeling, a sense, a dream, or a phrase you read in a book, or in some form of interesting synchronicity. Be open to all of the ways your Soul will speak to you.
For example, my son got into a small accident in gym class last week. He needed stitches and he had to miss several days of school. My normal self would have been concerned but also realized that things were going to be fine. Instead, although logically I knew that things were ok, my body was flooded with utter panic, worry, and what scientists call the “fight or flight” response.
Of course, I know this is a form of post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD). I talk about this with my clients often because it’s one of the things I help them with the most. Many times clients are holding PTSD from things that happened years ago, and they feel great shame for still feeling bad about something that happened so long ago. I have great compassion for my clients and I completely understand how intense PTSD can be. But as often is the case self–compassion and understanding was much harder.
First, I had to just acknowledge that I was traumatized by what happened with my daughter. I was trying so hard to be positive, and focus on how well my daughter was doing now, that parts of me didn’t want to admit to any fears. It was like I was afraid that my fears would attract more disease for her. This is where all of those well-intentioned law of attraction books can backfire. I want to be clear that I do believe in the power of our thoughts and feelings to attract our experiences. But I also know that we have to be authentic, and need to begin with our true feelings, then we can start shifting.
Once I recognized my fears and trauma I used all of the tools that I share with my students and clients. I meditated, prayed, worked with my coach, did self-reiki, and connected with my angels and spirit guides. All of these things have helped tremendously. But still that “fight or flight” feeling lingered. Sometimes even in the middle of my day I’d suddenly feel my heart beat fast, my stomach drop and my legs get weak. To make things worse I was starting to get panicked about having the panicky feelings.
As I prayed about this I heard Spirit tell me to stop resisting the panic. I admit this scared me at first. Resisting the panic is what I had been doing, and the thought of letting the panic in seemed overwhelming. But I trusted this message and as I asked for more clarity I was guided to visualize my heart expanding. This visualization was something I did over the course of several months. I would do this visualization when I was guided and I often prayed to the Divine Mother as I focused on my heart. I would also often put my hands over my heart center and do reiki on that area.
Slowly I stated experimenting with letting these panicky feelings come in. Eventually when the panic would come I would slow down, breath deeply, visualize these feelings coming into my heart and then into Spirit. I am still learning and it takes effort to not go into my automatic resistance mode so I am by no means a master at it. But this beautiful process has brought me great relief and peace.
This morning as I practiced this process I was aware of what a blessing this was turning out to be. Not only was this bringing relief from this panic connected to my daughter but it was teaching me how to work with all sorts of “negative” feelings that can come to me. And most importantly this process is making me aware of the vastness of my loving heart and how deeply my heart is connected to Spirit.
Follow Up:
If this resonates with you I invite you to try it. I suggest you begin with emotions that aren’t too intense. Notice what happens. Was it difficult? Did it feel right? Where you guided to spend time visualizing expanding your heart? Most importantly ask for inner guidance. Your Soul loves you unconditionally and knows what works best for you. Remember this inner guidance might not come as words. It might be a feeling, a sense, a dream, or a phrase you read in a book, or in some form of interesting synchronicity. Be open to all of the ways your Soul will speak to you.